Well, Now I Know Why They Titled It That

I really hope that the new Metallica song ("The Day that Never Comes") is an ironic reference to the fact that the day will never come when Metallica once again kicks ass!

Today I finally heard the the two new Metallica songs that are floating around the Internet. The first, mentioned above, was officially released by the band on Thursday, and the second, "Cyanide," is a live version of a new song from a recent gig. You can hear them both streaming on the band's MySpace page here. But, before I go into why the songs disappoint, I should explain where I stand on the once-impressive metal giants.

I got into Metallica around 1987-88, and the first album I ever heard was Master of Puppets. That album freaked my sh** out! It was incredible stuff and I had heard little like it. I quickly scarfed up their other releases and even scoured used and collectible stores to locate a copy of the then out-of-print Garage Days Re-Revisited. I was hooked.

This was also the moment in time when Metallica was on a "reinvention hiatus." Now, I am very different than many music fans in that this does not automatically spell doom for me. In fact, one of my favorite bands, U2, made their best album to date (along with the best tour of any band) after a similar break.

The album that emerged from this time was the now infamous "Black Album." I (unlike many die hard fans) found it pretty cool. Yes, it was a departure, but I also felt at the time that it not only demonstrated growth, but guts. I think what many people forget is that when the album was made it also sounded unlike anything before it. In other words, not only had Metallica ushered in the age of thrash back in the early '80s, but they also ushered in a new age of metal for the '90s. I saw Metallica three times on the monster tour that followed this release and they are still some of the best shows I've ever seen.

Unfortunately, if the "Black Album" was illustrating growth, the growth ended there. Load and (the even more ridiculous) Reload felt like rehashed and/or remixed versions of the songs found on the "Black Album." Innovation became formulaic and stale. Evolution had ceased.

I then looked forward to the promised departure of St. Anger and while the songs were much better, the production was (as many others have said) too disagreeable for me to fully enjoy the album.

Metallica has been making news for close to two years now with reports of another new disc. I have heard many good things. I read that it was 'the album that should have come between ...And Justice for All and the "Black Album."' I also heard that it would continue in the direction/vein of St. Anger, but did away with the production experiments. Try as I might to ignore, I began to find myself excited once again for the possibility of recapturing the magic spirit of Metallica.

What I heard today appears to signal a sad closure of the door to hope for that magic. "The Day that Never Comes" is a ballad-esque yawner in the style of "Until it Sleeps" or "Bleeding Me," instead of "Fade to Black" or "Welcome Home (Sanitarium)." About 4 minutes in, it becomes an thrashier instrumental, but is sloppy and uneven rather than tight and daring like earlier tracks (or even stuff on St. Anger).

The other track, "Cyanide," shows slightly more promise in its thrashy time changes and unusual structuring. My only hope is that the studio production allows for a more even and tight sound.

So, I'll still check out the disc when it's released, but this may finally be not only the end of an era for me (I know many would argue it ended long ago), but also the end of hoping for that era to be recaptured, if even for a moment.

Maybe the boys really just don't have it in them anymore. I Guess I'll go listen to the new Testament album instead.

Doctor, Doctor...Can you Hear Me Calling...

As of Saturday August 9th, I am officially Dr. Thmarn.

Despite the best efforts of the Graduate College with its paperwork, The L Word with its spin-offs, and the ceremony with its inferno heat and heavy velvety gown...I have prevailed! Academia beware, there's a new sheriff (Read: tiny and lowly newbie on the academic ladder) in town!

You may address me accordingly.

Just when you thought it was safe...

As you all know, I study the queer cultural phenomenon that is The L Word. I have published a couple articles on it and just finished the ole diss. I also hope to work this into a book proposal this fall. But after that, I really hope to move on to other things. Related theories, but new case studies.

The show was bringing me a nice bit of closure as well, in that the final season (6) was supposed to be airing on Showtime this winter. But, in true "TLW taunts me" fashion, I just read in Entertainment Weekly and had confirmed at one of the leading websites that creator Chaiken and Showtime will be developing...yes, you guessed it...

AN L WORD SPIN-OFF!!!

This both enrages and intrigues me so much...I just might 'splode!

It's Not Just About Guitar Lust!

I recently learned about this new guitar. It is a special edition model to celebrate Joe Satriani's 20 year relationship with Ibanez guitars. I absolutely love it and am seriously considering purchasing it. I have never spent this much (around a grand) on a guitar and in fact, never really thought I would. After all, I'm really only a "hobbyist." But, this guitar symbolizes a lot of important things to me.

If you've ever played an instrument, you know there is a moment after you've been playing a while when you begin to plateau. You cease to advance quickly and learning becomes more gradual. This can be a very frustrating moment, and in fact, is responsible for many people giving up.

Around the time that I was reaching this point, my guitar teacher at the time asked me if I had ever heard of a guitarist named Joe Satriani. He then played me a few minutes of his most recent release (Surfing with the Alien), which is the artwork that graces this killer instrument, and suggested I pick up a copy.

What I hear on that album, starting with the very first notes to the last amazing riff, blew my freakin' young mind! I had never heard shred guitar. I didn't even know you could do that kind of stuff on the thing! It was incredible and I was hooked! Frustration over my plateau was out the window.

The Satch Man had saved my desire to play, inspired me endlessly with each new note, and perhaps done even more (since I poured myself into my guitar during my awkward and depressed teenage years).

Many years ago, I even got the opportunity to meet the man. I was nervous, because you never know what can happen when you meet your idols. He was a genuinely great guy and very gracious when I told him what his playing had meant to me.

So, this guitar isn't simply about lusting after a beautiful instrument. It is also about what playing has meant to me throughout my life. A hobby, an escape, a comfort, and a whole lot of fun. It may be expensive, but we only live once, right?

Refocusing my Efforts

If you know me (or if you have read any of this blog!), you are likely to also know that I like the Boston Red Sox. Slightly fewer of you probably know that I also love the Milwaukee Brewers. In fact, I still consider them my "home team," despite my unfortunate location in Twins Territory.

Why might I be less forthright with my Brewers fandom? Well basically, I have grown tired over the years of being laughed at! I know, I know, Brewers fans are not one of your traditionally "cursed" teams, but mind you we have never won a World Series and haven't even been to the postseason (which we only did twice, if you count the strike half-season) since 1982! If that's not the making of a team to be ignored and a fandom to be ridiculed, I don't know what is!

In fact, being a Brewer fan is likely why my love of the game went onto the back burner for many years, finally being rekindled by a trip to Fenway Park a few years back. What I learned at Fenway was not only that the Red Sox have an incredible story and an awesome ballpark, but also that anything can happen in baseball (or, maybe I was just reminded of this).

Well as many of you probably know, the Brew Crew has been making the news a lot lately. Everyone is saying that this is their year. For a while, I have tried to remain calm. I do not want to be too disappointed if/when they don't go to the postseason. But, I have recently changed my approach. I have decided to throw my fandom behind them full-force.

I am tired of hiding!

I am no fair-weather fan!

Ridicule or disappointment be damned-I love my Brewies!

This even got me in trouble last night at a St. Cloud River Bats game (our local minor league team). I wanted to get my picture taken with their awesome mascot, Batty, but he insisted on throwing my Brewers hat on the ground and stomping on it first.

But, you know what? I don't care! My Brewers are kicking butt and takin' names this year! They may not make it all the way, but hey, maybe they'll at least make it possible to wear Brewers apparel without a full-scale interrogation behind your bizarre fandom choices.

Go, Brew Crew, Go! Remind the country once again that Wisconsin has another sports team besides those damn Packers!

Another Sign of the Apocalypse

I just got wind of the following report about AC/DC's new studio album, which apparently will only be available through Wal-Mart. This really disturbs me on many levels. I have been super-psyched about the release of their new album, but now I'm totally shocked and disappointed.

They don't seem like the kind of band that would strike any type of "exclusive" deal, much less one with Wal-Mart. Besides, I thought the trend of making deals with WM was waning as a result of their scandalous practices of selling only edited albums (Does this mean that AC/DC's new disc will only be available in an edited form?). Their music isn't even available on iTunes or other major download sites, so I guess if I want to avoid giving my money to "Satan's Palace" (as a friend of mine calls it) I have to hope I can buy it directly through them or find it used somewhere.

Now, I realize that the argument against WM isn't that simple. A good friend of mine's family recently benefited greatly from the retail monster. But honestly, I get a little nauseous when any artist decides to pull these "exclusive" deals with major corporations (I'm even a bit nervous about U2's recent deals with LiveNation). There is "selling out," which can't be avoided and happens the second you form a band with the intent of garnering an audience, and then there's "SELLING OUT."

Maybe it's in their best interest, but I wonder if they're remembering to consider their fan base.

The Day's "Crack Me Up" Moment #2

The best email spam I have ever received arrived today. It was totally blank, except for one line, which simply read:

Your life is crap.